What am I doing here?
That is what I am always asking myself these past few weeks. Life in the country makes me feel so isolated. I realized that I am now an extrovert ever since I’ve been around people in Tamworth. An extrovert in an isolated place can be challenging.
I’ve been thinking what I really want to do as a hobby. All of the activities I’ve thought of involve interacting with people. I’d rather have coffee with a friend than have movie marathon alone. I’d rather watch news so I would feel connected to the world rather than watch clips on youtube. It’s a good thing that God has given me this opportunity to go and share the Gospel. It’s good that a church has connected me with people in a nearby area to have bible study with. I need this as much as they need it.. 🙂
It’s been a miracle come to think of it. The church which rejected my call for help telling me that they don’t really cater to discouraged Christians but to lost youths was the church which connected me to this. I still don’t have a regular group that I could ask for help and prayer. I felt very much alone in this. But the miracle is–this doesn’t stop me from driving 40km to this area despite the weather condition just to share Jesus with others. Thank God for Hillsong TV, for podcasts and vidcasts from all these Christian churches. Thank God that there is still a church in my area–it’s not the one I would normally go to but God is still present in that church. Come to think of it–they are my group now. It gives me a warm feeling to be with these people just to see them present at church. I feel happy every Friday night at church. Thank You Lord for sending me help in different ways.
Being in the country paves the way for me to trust God in a deeper level. I see another part of what it’s like to trust God completely. It’s quite new to me but I have a good feeling about this–makes me feel at peace, makes me feel like heaven.
They say that we have to eat at least three coloured veggies. Well I’m still trying to psych myself to eat more veggies. So for now, I will be eating more fruits for snacks. This is another small step of mine to living healthy.
What if this is as good as it will get?
This can’t be it. I refuse to let this be it. The love I have for these people should never be wasted. Something great must come out of this because my love for them is also great.
And that’s why I had a good look with all of these love stories I’ve been in. I guess I can say that in all of these, I’ve done my best, I’ve given my best I could give them with what I have and what I can give at that moment in time. There shouldn’t be any regret.
I’ve planted faith in God in their hearts. I’ve introduced them to Christ. I’ve shown kindness to them. I’ve let them be saved. I’ve given the best love I can give them. So my love was never wasted.
“See you at church!” I excitedly told one of my regular customers. I was excited to see them at church friday night. However, someone needed my help that was why I missed church night.
My usual friday night consists of ordering my dinner at Freckles. I always order its pasta for the night. Then I go to church. Baradine is just a small place so I either know them by name now and all faces are already familiar.
I missed church so I decided to just head on to my next friday night activity–dinner. I called Freckles to order my pasta but last night, they had no pasta. So I just decided to cook my own pasta.
So presenting my very own baked ziti 🙂
It was yum. I don’t have ricotta cheese but the one I bought have four cheese all grated. They blended so well. Now, I have enough food for the week. 🙂
The sky is clear tonight. Stars are clearly seen. 🙂 This is something I appreciate in this place. Life in the country is peaceful. 🙂
I wanted to go back but a voice in me told me to remember. Yes, I still remember the heaviness in my heart as I tried to grope for something, feeling like drowning, because I left my heart where I came from.
Long ago, I found a formula for moving on. Lack of communication + time + distance + deciding to move on = moving on completely. Right now, time is all I need. I need to give it some time.
The funny thing about moving on–when you are able to do that–you are able to forgive and the pain of the past will be gone as well.
So keep moving forward. Have faith in God that if God wants you to be with this person, this person will be in your future. The important thing you should do is to keep moving forward. 🙂