Real Quesadilla

My day has been blurry. With few hours sleep inside the bus and arriving early in the city and 2pm check in, I had to go to the nearest mall to pass the time.

Lunch time I saw this place

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A mexican restaurant with good enough price. I went and ordered quesadilla because I have been craving for it and I was not that hungry. It would be better than a burrito I thought.

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It really is a quesadilla. The wrap is really made of soft tortilla and not just some pita bread. This is the first time I have eaten this kind of quesadilla. So good!

I like the style of this place and I guess others like this as well because people started lining up that I have to hurry up so they can sit and eat as well.

All in all, I don’t mind going back to this place. ūüôā

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Process

I’m going through some processes right now. ¬†It’s hard to say this–but there really is no shortcuts to these.

If you want a degree–study.

If you want to be good–work on your skill.

If you want to turn your enemy into friend–understand them. ¬†Go above them.

Now the last one I’ve learned that to go above someone is to go deeper into yourself. ¬†Find her reflection in yourself. ¬†But to go deeper into yourself will only be harmless without feeling so down and discouraged is to look up to God. ¬†Look up to God, who is He and how can you find Him in you. ¬†Find God’s reflection in yourself first, only then will you be able to find your enemies’ reflections in yourself. ¬†Then you can deal with them sincerely–you’ll be able to forgive them. ¬†You’ll find that no matter what they say or do to you doesn’t and cannot and will not hurt you because you are above them–secure in the love and identity that God has given you.

In pain and difficulties, you’ll be refined. ¬†It’s a process.

I’m inspired by Pastor Joey’s¬†latest preaching about the joy that Paul the apostle had and through that he was able to preach the gospel into so many areas–particularly Rome.

Process takes time. ¬†I just have to let myself go through this. ¬†I will never give up unless God tells me to do so. ¬†I will trust on God. ¬†And in the process, I know that I will have joy and peace–and these for me are such treasures. ¬†More than success and acknowledgement, I want joy and peace from God.

I went here alone and not knowing what’s gonna happen next trusting that God is with me that He will bless me here. ¬†I don’t know the specific command why I have to be here but I know that when God blesses, He blesses not only me but others as well.

As a follower of Christ, I know what I should do–the great commission. ¬†I want to take part in advancing God’s kingdom wherever I go in every possible way. ¬†Several months have passed of focusing more on myself, I hope for the coming months, I will be able to do more for God for I love Him and I want to share Him with others. ¬†I hope in the process I won’t only share Jesus with those I like but also with those who can be quite challenging.

One step of faith at a time. ¬†By God’s grace. ūüôā

Macca

After eating lunch at maccas, I went on my way back to town. I saw a group of teenage boys and knowing how stupid they are, I braced myself for some idiotic comment. I was not disappointed.

“Hello there”, said one of them.
“Hi,” I said back.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yeah…”
“You don’t look too happy…”

I wanted to go back punch them in the face but the thing is he was right. I am not happy here.

The only thing I am going to miss here is my church.

This should not be it. Surely God You didn’t send me here to abandon me right? Please help me. Strengthen me Lord. Amen.

Generous

My recent thoughts:

I only have $6.75 on my account. ¬†Come to think of it, it’s scary. ¬†But this is an opportunity to trust God even more. ¬†I only have that amount but I still have food. ¬†I may not have much for my taxi money but I can walk. ¬†While walking, I noticed how I have been filling up because of the stress I’m in these past few weeks but I like the shape of my butt and how I have them–finally! ¬†ūüôā ¬†I don’t have a car but I have great shoes to walk with. ¬†I have the ability to walk along the clean streets of this suburb. ¬†God is so good to me. ¬†God is so great.

Today I walked the street again at past 5pm, the sun has already set. ¬†Quarter moon was even covered by the clouds, I walked and saw some people who chose to walk as well. ¬†I like the feeling–me with God, worship songs, one or two people on the street–I felt at peace.

Last night I’ve battled with myself. ¬†I woke up crying and feeling empty. ¬†I asked myself what do I really want and while looking at the morning sky, though covered with clouds, indication of potential rain, I found my answer–I don’t mind being anywhere as long as I have God by my side.

I don’t want gifts if it would only lead to my destruction. ¬†I don’t want to open it when I am not ready. ¬†I am happy with just me and God. ¬†I am happy with just a few for now as long as I am being obedient with God.

I tried to seek God in the words of others but the Bible is still the greatest source of His Word.

I am grateful for the generosity of the people around me.

Life is not that easy but I am thankful that God put me in a beautiful place like this. ¬†I don’t know what’s going to happen to me next, all I know is God is in charge.

Faith and grace. ¬†I’ve been learning those ever since I got here.

Love. ¬†I am reminded again of 1 Cor 13 because I have thought about speaking in tongues and how it’s not an assurance that we prophesy or speak in tongues but if we do not really love God, then in the end we won’t still be saved. ¬†I asked God before if He could give me the gift of tongues so I have an assurance that the Holy Spirit is really in me. ¬†But what God is teaching me now is even better–and it is how to love.

1 I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell.2¬†I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains‚ÄĒbut if I have no love, I am nothing.¬†3¬†I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burned[a]‚ÄĒbut if I have no love, this does me no good.

8 Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but it will pass. 9 For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; 10 but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.

11¬†When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a child; now that I am an adult, I have no more use for childish ways.¬†12¬†What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. What I know now is only partial; then it will be complete‚ÄĒas complete as God’s knowledge of me.

13 Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13 GNT)

All along, God has been teaching His greatest fruit–love. ¬†I pray that God will give me the grace to love those He wanted me to love, in the way He wanted me to love them. ¬†May I not stray from His will.

May God also bless the works of my hand. ¬†May He also give me the knowledge to do what I must do. ¬†People may not think highly of me–that I can feel. ¬†But God uses the weak to shame the strong. ¬†May God manifests His glory through me. ¬†In Jesus’ mighty name. ¬†Amen.

Last but not the least, it feels good to actually like the reflection I see when I look at myself in the mirror. ¬†God has created us and He created us beautifully. ūüôā

The Broken Circle Breakdown

Can love conquer all?

I watched this movie last night because the synopsis said something about a love story. ¬†I didn’t know that it was intense and deep. ¬†At the end of the movie, there was sadness. ¬†I could not shake off the feeling. ¬†I went to church this morning but I still carried this. ¬†So why was I affected so much by this movie?

People are imperfect creature. ¬†Elise and Didier are both imperfect yet love found them and shared it and experienced it. ¬†They fully embraced it. ¬†It takes unselfishness to fully love someone. ¬†We have to open ourselves to someone hoping not to be hurt and rejected. ¬†When I say this, I think about my heart and how I am willing to love someone fully. ¬†I know someone loves me and I love him but God said it’s wrong to be with him. ¬†The relationship is not pleasing to him. ¬†Fighting for him will always end up with us being separated. ¬†Unless God blesses it, it cannot be. ¬†There is someone He is showing me and I am willing to embrace that, too. ¬†But God is not yet speaking to me. ¬†Somehow I am still in the season of waiting. ¬†But this someone He puts in my heart, loving him hurts so much I don’t want it. ¬†It is selfish. ¬†But I don’t know how to love him. ¬†God how do You want me to love the people in my life? ¬†Please teach me and give me the courage to do so. ¬†In Jesus’ name. ¬†Amen.

Marriage is life. ¬†Life is a mixture of good and bad. ¬†So is marriage. ¬†Here I am wanting to get married when I would be yoked with someone else–yoked for life. ¬†Why do I want it again? ¬†I look at them and I can see what I might have to go through. ¬†It’s not going to be easy I know. ¬†But I hope whoever God yokes me with, it’s going to be worth it. ¬†Marriage is sticking together in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. ¬†Marriage is accepting your “co-yokee” for who they are.

Love should conquer all.  This broke my heart.  Because Elise could not conquer it she had given up.  Would I have done the same thing if faced with a similar situation?  But all through out the movie, I was thinking how they should have dealt with the situation.  If only God is at the center of their marriage.  The circle would never be broken.  The good thing is even though it ended badly for them, Didier stayed strong by playing music finally believing that there must have been an after life.

Honoring

Tonight I want to honor my sister since it is her birthday this month.

I looked forward to spending time with her when we were kids. ¬†Me as the big sister and how we would be playing. ¬†I imagined all these sweet things that sisters enjoy–looking at the Nido commercial before. ¬†I could not wait to be with her and for Mom to give birth already so I can be with her. ¬†I would compute how old I would be when we could have activities together.

But she was born ill so they could not take her home yet.  I got mad at my Mom for not bringing her back with her.  I was disappointed.  But I kept on hoping.  I kept asking Mom when she would be home.  She was finally out of the hospital, I was hoping that she would be home but my Mom told me that she could not take care of her and my brother and I at the same time while working and so she let other people take care of her.  I got mad at her again for not keeping her promise that she would take my sister home.  I kept counting the months til her first birthday because my Mom promised that she would take her home when she turned one.

It was a series of disappointments that in the end I gave up. ¬†I said I didn’t care if they would take her home or not. ¬†At an early age I’ve had my first experience of letting go. ¬†And when I gave up on something/someone, I had no sense of appreciation for that anymore.

Then she finally went home.  But she was a stranger to me already.

I remember I dream of having fair-skinned like these cute American girls. ¬†I was always bashed for my dark skin. ¬†They blamed me for not drinking enough milk and for choosing to drink Milo/Ovaltine instead. ¬†One time I saw one cute girl in our school and parents would cooed for her cuteness. ¬†I wondered who was this girl because she was like a celebrity. ¬†I was amazed like I was amazed to see American girls before. ¬†Then I saw our helper and realized that that cute girl was indeed my sister. ¬†I couldn’t believe that I have a sister like that. ¬†I could not believe my luck! ūüôā

Then the years of being real siblings happened. ¬†When siblings were annoying and ignored and we would always quarrel with each other. ¬†We grew up differently. ¬†As little kids, I know they would reach out to me–her and our brother. ¬†They would always ask me to play with them and they would create cards for me on my birthday. ¬†But I would push them away because I don’t want them or anyone to get too attached. ¬†I didn’t know why before but it was probably because I know I had nothing to offer them. ¬†I would doubt why they would like me when there was nothing to be liked. ¬†I guess showing affection for me is a sign of weakness. ¬†Even without knowing it, I guess that was the early sign of my being “robotic”. ¬†But I guess the child in me has this tremendous love for my family that although we haven’t really told each other that we love one another, the powerful connection remained.

Through the years, I would often marvel at how my sister would get to live my dreams.

When I was in gradeschool, I wanted to be a muse but I didn’t become one because I have dark skin. ¬†My sister, however, was always the muse in her class.

Again, when I was in gradeschool, I dream of becoming an angel during the Easter Sunday dawn activity that they do in our community before.  But it was my sister who got to be an angel for that activity.

When I was in highschool I would dream of being a member of our church choir because their voices were heavenly.  I wondered if I could become one of the altos but I never had the guts to try out.  It was my sister who auditioned and got in as a soprano.

In my senior year highschool, I dream of playing softball all the time. ¬†The love for this sport happened when Coach Eric taught us how to hit the ball during our practice in our intramurals. ¬†I gained confidence in the game, me and my teammates that we eventually became champions in that event. ¬†When my sister got to highschool she tried out as a varsity of softball and she got in. ¬†She got to live my dream. ¬†Their team would often go to Manila to compete against the other prestigious school. ¬†How cool is that?! ¬†She also got to have the La Salle varsity bag. ¬†I like that bag! ūüôā ¬†I like it that I would use it going back and forth to Manila.

I can only dream of becoming popular in school for I am a nerd/boring one but she was the popular cool one.

In uni (college), I dream of taking psychology as my course but I took up pharmacy instead. ¬†Guess who got to take that course? ūüôā

In life after uni, I dream of having an engineer as a boyfriend. ¬†I’ve had my chances but I didn’t take it, guess who has an engineer boyfriend?

I’m happy for all the great things happening to her. ¬†She has always been the stronger one–the frontliner of our family. ¬†She was the youngest but she was the one who faced all of our family’s challenges.

I was never worried about her.  I always knew that she would always be taken cared of.  I always knew that she would always be in good hands.

I guess what I can do for her is to dream bigger if it would pave the way for her to achieve greater things in life. ¬†By God’s grace I know that He would extend His love and kindness not only to me but to the rest of my family, after all He has promised that if one member of the family got saved, the whole household would be saved as well. ¬†I’m holding on to this promise. ¬†And so on her birthday, I pray that God will do greater things in her life. ¬†In Jesus’ mighty name. ¬†Amen.