I went to church this morning feeling so down.  I was late but I was able to catch some preachings.  After that I just get some coffee and sat at the couch.   A lady saw me and approached me.  She engaged me in a bit of a conversation.  It was nice of her.  But the best thing she did was that she prayed for me.  It was nice because she was able to say what I was feeling that time.  Thank You God for sending me an angel. 🙂

God reminded me to keep on doing good.  To hold on to Him.  I was being corrected right at this moment.  I tried to rebel against God.  I don’t feel good about it.  But it’s just so painful.  Like I try to go through life but there is always that pain.  I have to learn to live with it.  I know I have to go through this.  This is part of the letting go process.  Until when, I asked God.  Until it no longer hurts, a voice inside my head said.

A told me that it’s better to let go in my case.  He was right.  He also told me that this place is the best for me while I was training.  I agreed with him.

I am really grateful for that.  God has been good to me.

Coming Back

“I don’t want to go back in …”. That was what I told my friend as I was thanking her for her kindness for accomodating me again in Sydney.

Before I was so full of hope when I went back here like life is sweet. I was anticipating God’s blessings. But then it has been Rachel in the evening and Leah when I wake up.

As the bus left for Sydney, I realized that it was Leah in the evening and in the morning this time.

I carry that all through my stay in Sydney. Although there have been blessings. God’s greatness and kindness still abound. But my heart is broken.

I have asked which is better to let go or to hold on. Both are hard.

I have been asking God if I really got it wrong and I pray that He will correct me and give me the endurance to undergo this correction. It hurts.

I don’t want to force others. And right now I don’t know how it can ever be possible. God’s plan will still push through. I don’t know if it is right or wrong. But right now my heart tells me to let go. I won’t go before God. From now on, it’s in God’s hands now.