A few hours from now and it’s sunday again. I don’t have the privilege to go on every sunday services. I am missing a lot of things about having a regular sunday worship–fellowship, worship, corporate prayers, pastor’s preachings. I crave for God in every way. I thirst for Him.
Life here is challenging. Am I in the right place? Is this where God really wants me to be? It may be challenging I know but here I am enjoying burger, chips, and soda in the company of my housemates. 🙂 Life is sweet.
Recently, I realized just how much I’ve let my guard down. I had my heart broken again. I was restless. I had to call out for help. Good thing, by the grace of God, annointed friends spoke to me. I was exchanging messages with a friend when I heard at the back of my mind God speaking with someone that I have to be okay. I have to be comforted. Right then and there, I felt at peace. God is concerned with me.
That night, I checked Youtube and listened to Jamie Grace songs, being a God girl, and being with God, and following God’s leading. I can honestly say that I am trying to choose to go back to God–to focus on Him. To let go of my desire. To let Him do His thing.
I want to go back to that time when I am satisfied with God and me alone. When my heart is guarded from any distraction. I want to go back to that time. I may be here, but there is a world out there. All these great possibilities, all the things I can do for God, if He will let me. I hope God can use me to advance His kingdom here. I want to work for Him. I hope God will give me the ability to be the best that I can be here. Not just to do my job, but also to reach out to others.
I’ve been reflecting on God’s blessings and favors He’s given me here along side the series being tackled by Victory churches in the Philippines. Unlimited goodness and grace of God. I thank God for podcasts. I thank God for this new technology. I can’t do this alone. I need the help of other believers. I still look up for inspiration from others. I’ve been isolated here. I have been looking for some people who have passion for God. I hope I meet them soon. I understand what the song Like A Fire means, (it’s taken from a bible verse) on how hard it is to keep God in. You always want to talk about Him, think about Him, share Him with others, and all these things. I want to be passionate in loving Christ. I want to learn more about God, I want to deepen my faith in God, I want to continuously walk with Him.
On to another topic, the Word of God has come to me one time, in the midst of doubt (battle), that He will bless me in this new land. By His grace, breakthrough will happen. Not my effort, but by God’s grace because He is faithful. He fulfills His promises. He is King. Whatever the King says is powerful.
I don’t know but I see myself in the eyes of the widow in the story of Elijah and the widow (1 Kings), God has commanded me to be loyal and to love unconditionally. But what can I give? I am weak. I have had my doubts. But I have been commanded. Who knows, maybe this someone has already been called by God to come to me and ask for help (like Elijah asking for food and water from the widow). So like that widow, I should just wait because at the right time it will happen. This someone will come to ask for help (maybe). And though I know that I don’t have anything to give, by God’s grace, I can be a channel of His blessing towards this someone. If God can change the nature of a scavenger bird–the raven (also in 1 Kings), nothing is impossible with God.
It’s hard because my own desires get in the way, but I know that I should focus on God so I won’t be distracted from doing what I should do.
I thought to myself one time, God must have really love this someone that I would be asked to be loyal to this someone. Maybe God loves this someone more than He loves me. But wait, didn’t the widow benefited from the blessings that Elijah received from God? God even resurrected her son–the way Elijah did to bring back the son shows how Jesus would save us–through the cross. God must have loved me, too. I am not yet sure but He gives me a vision of what might happen in the future. I am already excited because it seems that it’s really possible. I don’t know how or when but if God can bring me here, I know that He can do anything. I just have to wait patiently on the Lord.
God does not owe us anything and yet He promises us these great things. He must be really nice and kind. Who can be greater than Him, right?
Faith would say to obey God’s command. Though it may seem discouraging at times, we just have to step out in faith.
I went here telling one of my cousins that I would survive here by faith. But by God’s grace, I won’t just survive here, I would also thrive here. Even if our faith is as small as the mustard seed, God can make it fruitful. This small faith can still make us bold for the Lord. Sometimes we are placed in a situation where we have no other choice, and when we choose to trust God, we will see how great God is. When we give our everything to God, our life can receive unlimited blessings from God.
When was the last time you heard from God?
I know I will be okay.
I’m looking forward to fulfilling my mission here. This is my mission field. I know God will always grant me favors.
It’s no coincidence that the topic in Victory Church this month is “Unlimited” based on Books of Kings. God has His own ways. I was sent to the most unlikely place here. I didn’t even know that such a place existed before. But I am here now. I’ve struggled with God and in the end, I just realized that I have to just surrender to His will. Even though it’s painful, God will take care of me.
God, show me what I should do. 🙂
Fix your eyes on the Lord.
Now that I’ve tried doing that, I feel so much better now.
The past 2 weeks have been really eventful. My prayers have been answered or so I thought. But in the end, I have to turn them down. I have to really consult with a lot of people on these. Almost all of them are saying the same thing.
I have caused others so much inconvenience, I know. But the lesson learned from all of these is I should never settle for less. If I want something, I should wait for that thing and not compromise or settle for less. I have to give God a little credit that He is capable of giving me whatever it is I really want rather than just settle for less thinking that God can’t probably give it.
So I should practice my faith and trust God more.
I couldn’t capture the brightness of the surrounding outside that moves my heart as I look at this tree. Building foundation. Taking roots. I hope that my faith is deeply rooted.
I am dying everyday with what I’ve been struggling inside. This is not me. This is God’s will for me.
This morning I was complaining again. That this is not really how I pictured things here. I was crying while trying to swallow spoonful of rice. Then I’ve come across this post:
You are where God wants you to be to be the hand, mouth, voice of God. Be a blessing to others.
Then I remember what my spiritual leader said in her prayer for me based on Genesis 12:3. God has been so good to me. And He’s also been good to those who have blessed me. 🙂 It’s overwhelming sometimes–all the blessings that I’ve been receiving although I know that I don’t deserve it. Maybe God is teaching me about His grace.
Praise be to God. 🙂