I went here with high hopes. Isn’t this God’s blessing for me? Doesn’t He say that He’s going to bless me here? I went here by faith–anticipating the great things that God is about to do with my life. I was looking forward to ministry, doing good and great things.
Disappointments after disappointments. I was lucky enough to set foot on this place. This place is beautiful. This place has fresh air. Lots of free birds, beautiful flowers. It’s painful to think that I wasn’t contributing enough. I feel like I’m betraying their trust. I don’t know how to help myself. I’ve done what I could. I’ve loved them enough it hurts. Maybe I’ve got it wrong. I had a different expectation. Yes, I’ve done my best except for this one thing–COMMITMENT. When I couldn’t get what I want, I held back.
But what works for me before doesn’t work now. I’ve been disappointed a lot of times. I am on the verge of giving up and I have given up. I don’t know how to help myself anymore. Only God can help me now.
I surrendered this to God. I don’t expect much anymore. And that point of giving up–of acknowledging my weakness, that God rises up to help me. He has always helped me in every way. But somehow I was always trying to rely on my own ability.
This has been another humbling experience for me.
Now that I am not expecting much, every good thing that happens becomes magnified. This is God’s glory at work in my life.
I am looking to a fresh new start. This time I will be committed. This time I won’t back down. This time I will embrace the culture. This time I will love the people around it. This time I will not expect much from them. This time I know that God is the Only One who can help me with my skills and knowledge. With God in it, it’s never too late to start again.
God the Father, put me where You want me to be. In Jesus’ name, Amen.