My heart is being transformed. It’s painful and I’m exhausted.
I can’t blame people for how they see me. I am big and I look older. I blame it on my genes and my eating habits. I can’t do anything with my genes but I can do something with my eating habits. I can’t force anyone to love me. It’s all in God’s hand now.
I was so pumped up for summer that I told God, “Activities God, more activities!” But for the last few days, I had nothing to do. I was feeling so down already. I asked God again, and then it occurred to me that maybe God wants me to focus on Him right now. Vertical relationship.
Maybe this sadness caught up with me already–6 months later.
God is doing something with my heart–transforming it according to His plan.
When I was single, I used to wish to have a boyfriend so I would not feel so alone. Then I had a boyfriend. I could not help but feel to be single again because I had the freedom to choose the right one. It happened thrice. Mr. Osteen’s new blog entry made me think that yeah, we always think that the grass is greener on the other side. But the thing is it’s really not if God is not present on that side. The only way for anything good to flourish is if God is with it–if it has the favor of God.
If I want to have better relationships, then I have to invest in people I’m with. If I want promotion, then I have to work harder.
Which makes me think about the term “waiting”. Waiting means preparation for God’s favor to come true. I need to do my part–to prepare my field to receive God’s blessings.
I’m really blessed. 🙂
I also realized that apart from Christ, I am nothing. No food could cheer me up, this past few days–just His Word. God, I hope to be aware of Your presence always.
This is a scheduled post. I am writing this Wednesday night after I have lesson time with God. I love moments when God really speaks to me. I have been rebuked, slighlty convicted and revelations have been given to me–Christian stuff 🙂
God has given me summer and you know I am so fired up for God. I want to devote summer to Him. I want to do everything for Him for the advancement of His Kingdom. I want to serve Him and get to know Him and love Him and enjoy His presence. I finally have a grasp of what E told me before in one of our conversations about God–that I have found what I’ve been looking for–and He’s God.
I have finally found God. He is my reward. At the end of it all, I want God to be my reward. To be in His presence for eternity–it’s what heaven is. Other blessings are just bonuses.
Now is also my season of maturity. I’m not sure how it will happen but I trust in God. Right now, I’m working on my vertical relationship. Actually, God is working on my vertical relationship, which is my relationship with God. And somehow in one of my reflections, I saw that God would also be working on my horizontal relationship, like He was telling me, “It’s not only gonna be you and Me…I’m gonna share you with the community, with someone…” Somehow the community part is clear, I just added as my own interpretation the someone part. Hehe 🙂
This summer, I won’t let fear hinder with serving God. I will do everything that I want, like I’ve always planned, for God. Hopefully, God allows me to and gives me opportunities to serve Him. It will be an honor. 🙂
Chocolates! Ice cream and chocolates! I’m going to treat myself tomorrow. It’s been two days. 🙂
5 The Lord came down in a cloud, stood with him there, and pronounced his holy name, the Lord.[a]6 The Lord then passed in front of him and called out,
I, the Lord, am a God who is full of compassion and pity, who is not easily angered and who shows great love and faithfulness.7 I keep my promise for thousands of generations[b] and forgive evil and sin; but I will not fail to punish children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation for the sins of their parents.
God I want You all over me. I want to be in Your presence. Let Your face shine upon me. I want my skin to shine because of Your presence. More than the make-up, it’s Your glory in my life that makes me blooming 🙂